Wall of Pictures
Paul Beckman
The picture has changed again. It’s of my Russian family dressed in finery owned by the photographer. They look successful, but not happy. I can pick out my Zeyde, with my Bubbe, both probably in their teens. He says in perfect British English, I‘m horny, let’s leave them to take the picture and we’ll go to the bedroom. Then Bubbe says, well I’m not horny, and I’m only fifteen, but another woman, spinster cousin Freida, says she is, and leads Zayde out of the picture and into a seedy hotel room. He says let’s watch some television first, and Freida says, we can’t, television is not invented yet, and my Zayde says let’s pretend the window is a television, and we’ll watch a show, and she asks, what’s a show and he says, you’re too much like my wife and takes her hand and leads her through the door back out of the hotel room and into another picture, but now they are in a picture of a zoo and behind bars, with a caption that reads, Ruskies, please don’t feed the Ruskies. Zayde says to a little boy with an ice cream cone who’s staring at them, I’m hungry, can you get me an ice cream cone? The little boy says there’s no such thing as ice cream cones and won’t be for years, and then he laughs and says Ruskies Ruskies, and they walk out of the cage door and a lion chases them into a picture of a deli, and they order a half sour pickle and a glass tea with two sugar cubes. I’m sorry, but we don’t serve your kind here, the waiter says with an Irish brogue. What kind is that? Zayde asks the waiter, and the waiter says, begorrah, don’t be coy with me. So, they leave the picture of the deli and walk down the back stairs, relieved to be back in the original photograph and tired of walking, they take their original seats.
Paul Beckman
The picture has changed again. It’s of my Russian family dressed in finery owned by the photographer. They look successful, but not happy. I can pick out my Zeyde, with my Bubbe, both probably in their teens. He says in perfect British English, I‘m horny, let’s leave them to take the picture and we’ll go to the bedroom. Then Bubbe says, well I’m not horny, and I’m only fifteen, but another woman, spinster cousin Freida, says she is, and leads Zayde out of the picture and into a seedy hotel room. He says let’s watch some television first, and Freida says, we can’t, television is not invented yet, and my Zayde says let’s pretend the window is a television, and we’ll watch a show, and she asks, what’s a show and he says, you’re too much like my wife and takes her hand and leads her through the door back out of the hotel room and into another picture, but now they are in a picture of a zoo and behind bars, with a caption that reads, Ruskies, please don’t feed the Ruskies. Zayde says to a little boy with an ice cream cone who’s staring at them, I’m hungry, can you get me an ice cream cone? The little boy says there’s no such thing as ice cream cones and won’t be for years, and then he laughs and says Ruskies Ruskies, and they walk out of the cage door and a lion chases them into a picture of a deli, and they order a half sour pickle and a glass tea with two sugar cubes. I’m sorry, but we don’t serve your kind here, the waiter says with an Irish brogue. What kind is that? Zayde asks the waiter, and the waiter says, begorrah, don’t be coy with me. So, they leave the picture of the deli and walk down the back stairs, relieved to be back in the original photograph and tired of walking, they take their original seats.
