On Not Having a Child
Leisha Douglas


After a childhood void of dolls
there were years of prophylactics
and the uncertain declaration
maybe, if the relationship were right.

When my body asserted itself,
I felt betrayed.
Pregnancy was a punishment
I didn’t want to endure.
It went on like that--
insistent body, rebellious mind.
My mind afraid to say
absolutely not.

After years of my body in protest,
sex coupled with dread.
I lost the desire to spend the night with a man.
I prefer separate beds.
I prefer a body muted by age.
I prefer the clarity when I say
I do not regret my choice.