Thinner
Tara Zafft
Smack-dab in the middle of what they call the kids’ bathroom
in my husband’s childhood home is a scale. With—THINNER
in lipstick-red letters at the top. In a loopy 1980s font. Back
when shoulder pads and permed hair and blue eyeshadow
were a thing. I push the scale aside. Make make my way to the sink
to brush my teeth at 1 am, minutes after arriving from a 26-hour
journey. I wonder, is thinner an aspiration? Or affirmation?
If I say it enough will it manifest? And, just what magical number is
thin in the mind of that decades-old device? Is it age-dependent?
Does it consider menopause? Or genes? Or, the possibility
that you are escaping a war-zone for three weeks? Is it
familiar with body-shaming? Or body-dysmorphia? As I
brush my teeth with the last bits of toothpaste left in my travel
toothpaste tube, I want to bash this scale into the tiniest of bits--
for any future tooth-brusher. To save them from insane
conversations at 1am. Maybe to save myself from remembering
all the disorders I wore. Trying to be some number on a scale.
Tara Zafft
Smack-dab in the middle of what they call the kids’ bathroom
in my husband’s childhood home is a scale. With—THINNER
in lipstick-red letters at the top. In a loopy 1980s font. Back
when shoulder pads and permed hair and blue eyeshadow
were a thing. I push the scale aside. Make make my way to the sink
to brush my teeth at 1 am, minutes after arriving from a 26-hour
journey. I wonder, is thinner an aspiration? Or affirmation?
If I say it enough will it manifest? And, just what magical number is
thin in the mind of that decades-old device? Is it age-dependent?
Does it consider menopause? Or genes? Or, the possibility
that you are escaping a war-zone for three weeks? Is it
familiar with body-shaming? Or body-dysmorphia? As I
brush my teeth with the last bits of toothpaste left in my travel
toothpaste tube, I want to bash this scale into the tiniest of bits--
for any future tooth-brusher. To save them from insane
conversations at 1am. Maybe to save myself from remembering
all the disorders I wore. Trying to be some number on a scale.
