Eulogy For My One-Time Partner
Paul Beckman
I hear from our mutual doctor that you are not feeling well
True
Think of the worst day you’ve had and double it so you can understand how you’ve made others feel
Strange isn’t it if you’ve ever dwelled on it which I seriously doubt how you went to college to become a pharmacist and help people
Tell me how’d that work out? Can you name anyone you helped after you got your pharmacist license
You had it for a year you must have had some interaction with people who needed help No one comes to mind huh
You knew in life you wanted to be a used car salesman
Well, that must of been fun lying to all those old folks
And then you were everyone’s friend so we all trusted you even I did but my wife said ixnay on the trust with this one
And you loved cheating me I could tell
Why did you give a car to the Rabbi
Oh he stopped in to look around and my wife suggested I give him a car every two years
He was as dishonest as you
I’m your partner but I never trusted you after the first year
Your lovely wife thought that all the putdowns were two guys having fun
No, it was one guy having fun and the other one that’s right me I’m the other one who had to take your crap
I made you a lot of money
Sure, I made some money myself but yours was walking around change and mine was taking care of my family green
I remember going into NY with you and you took me to your barber, you actually let me go with you so we could tell people oh yeah we go to Neil Sedaka’s barber
I paid for the burgers at PJ Clarks and listened to Rocky Graziano play his role of big shot but
He was a nice guy even though he wanted to trade punches I know he was kidding around but when you snuck up behind me and pinned my arms to my sides and told Rocky go ahead he can handle it From that moment on I decided that I only had one real true goal in life and that was to outlive you and piss on your grave I saw your wife pushing you in a wheelchair into a restaurant And I couldn’t look at you until I saw her cutting your food and watching you dribble And the couple of times you turned towards me and I wanted to just smile but you had your lovely wife take your hand in both of hers and then let go so I may have been the last person you gave the bird too but I didn’t return the gesture and I couldn’t get my smile muscles to work so I paid for my dinner and walked out thinking It won’t be long now before I’ll be pissing on his grave and I wanted to see if you had pockets in your shroud but none of it mattered any more especially the Rabbi asking me if I’d like to say a prayer and I just looked at him and walked away
January 2026
Paul Beckman
I hear from our mutual doctor that you are not feeling well
True
Think of the worst day you’ve had and double it so you can understand how you’ve made others feel
Strange isn’t it if you’ve ever dwelled on it which I seriously doubt how you went to college to become a pharmacist and help people
Tell me how’d that work out? Can you name anyone you helped after you got your pharmacist license
You had it for a year you must have had some interaction with people who needed help No one comes to mind huh
You knew in life you wanted to be a used car salesman
Well, that must of been fun lying to all those old folks
And then you were everyone’s friend so we all trusted you even I did but my wife said ixnay on the trust with this one
And you loved cheating me I could tell
Why did you give a car to the Rabbi
Oh he stopped in to look around and my wife suggested I give him a car every two years
He was as dishonest as you
I’m your partner but I never trusted you after the first year
Your lovely wife thought that all the putdowns were two guys having fun
No, it was one guy having fun and the other one that’s right me I’m the other one who had to take your crap
I made you a lot of money
Sure, I made some money myself but yours was walking around change and mine was taking care of my family green
I remember going into NY with you and you took me to your barber, you actually let me go with you so we could tell people oh yeah we go to Neil Sedaka’s barber
I paid for the burgers at PJ Clarks and listened to Rocky Graziano play his role of big shot but
He was a nice guy even though he wanted to trade punches I know he was kidding around but when you snuck up behind me and pinned my arms to my sides and told Rocky go ahead he can handle it From that moment on I decided that I only had one real true goal in life and that was to outlive you and piss on your grave I saw your wife pushing you in a wheelchair into a restaurant And I couldn’t look at you until I saw her cutting your food and watching you dribble And the couple of times you turned towards me and I wanted to just smile but you had your lovely wife take your hand in both of hers and then let go so I may have been the last person you gave the bird too but I didn’t return the gesture and I couldn’t get my smile muscles to work so I paid for my dinner and walked out thinking It won’t be long now before I’ll be pissing on his grave and I wanted to see if you had pockets in your shroud but none of it mattered any more especially the Rabbi asking me if I’d like to say a prayer and I just looked at him and walked away
January 2026
