A Little North of Nowhere
David R. Davis
Outside the café, a dim light flickered a few feet from where the boy was standing. The sun had gone down, and he’d been there for a little more than an hour trying to catch a ride. He pulled his navy-blue puffer jacket closer and zipped it. Leaning back, he put the flat of his right boot against the wall, trying to look cool like James Dean in one of the movies he’d watched with his grandfather.
Inside Ruth’s Diner, Keith Taylor finished his hamburger, took a last sip of coffee, and set his mind to the two hundred miles he wanted to drive before getting some rest. As he stepped out the front door, the boy called out to him.
“Excuse me sir, do you think I might catch a ride with you?”
Keith looked at the boy, hesitated and then asked, “Where you heading?”
“I don’t know. It’s cold, and I’ve asked several people, they just ignored me. I won’t ask anything else; I promise, I just need a ride.”
“You going any place in particular?”
“No sir, I just need a ride. Please.”
The man looked at the youth, sizing him up. He seemed polite, wearing jeans, hiking boots and a faded Yankees baseball cap.
“I’m traveling about four hundred miles Northeast of here and hope to make a couple hundred of that before stopping for the night. If you want to tag along for a while, your welcome to join me.”
“Thank you, sir.”
“I’m Keith, and if we’re going to be traveling together, it might be better if that’s what you call me.”
“My names Robert, but I like to be called Robbie.”
They shook hands and walked towards a red Toyota 4Runner. Robbie carried his backpack.
“Toss your stuff in the back. I forgot to mention we have another passenger going with us.” Keith pointed towards the back window of the SUV and Robbie saw the head of a large German Shepard.
“That’s Clapton, he doesn’t care what you call him as long as you’re willing to scratch his ears and give him an occasional treat.”
Keith opened the back door and the dog jumped out, letting go with a stream of pee on the parking lot.
“Clapton, say hello to Robbie, he’s going to ride with us for a while.”
The ninety-five-pound dog ambled towards the boy, sat and raised his right paw.
The young man took the paw and shook it.
“Alright buddy, time to go, back in the truck.” The dog jumped into the back seat and lay down.
The first miles were driven in silence with few other cars going either direction on the road. Robbie looked out the side window, watching the night scenery pass as they drove.
“I think I might be gay.”
For a couple of moments, they drove on, Keith not responding.
“I said I might be gay.” Robbie repeated.
Keith glanced over at the boy. “Congratulations.”
“I just thought maybe you should know. In case it’s an issue with you.”
“Don’t matter to me. Hey Clapton, does it matter to you if Robbie’s gay?”
The dog didn’t move.
“I guess he’s cool with it.”
“My dad hates it.”
“Is that why you’re running away?”
“I’m not really running away; I’m just trying to find out who I am.”
“How old are you?”
“Seventeen, I’ll be eighteen in three months.”
The three continued to drive down the dark highway, with little more discussion.
“I’ve been on the road a while and getting tired. We have a couple of choices. We can find a place a little further up the road and try to get some rest in the truck, or we can go another twenty-five miles, stop in Franklinville and spend the night in a motel I know.”
“You’re driving, what do you want to do?”
“A bed and soft pillow sound a lot more comfortable than this car seat.”
“I can help pay for a room, or we could get two, if what I said earlier makes you uncomfortable.”
Keith chuckled. “I survived four years of Catholic schools, a stint in the Army Reserves, and a college roommate who had the rottenest smelling feet of anyone who’s ever lived. I suspect I’m safe with you.”
For the first time since they met, Robbie smiled. “I guess so.”
The Sunset Motel is a shadow of what it was when it was built in 1957. Typical of the period, it has a line of eight connected rooms and a small office on one end. One old pickup sat in front of room number 2.
“Welcome back Mr. Taylor, good to see you again. Looks like you brought along someone other than your dog this time.”
“Yeah, this is Robbie, he’s hitching a ride with us. Clapton’s still in the SUV.”
The well-lit office allowed Robbie to see how gaunt and pale Keith looked.
“We’ll take a room with two beds if you have one. Just one night.”
The clerk smiled. “Judging by the number of cars in the parking lot, I bet I might be able to squeeze you in. Room number six.”
“Keith, I can pay half.” Robbie started pulling out his wallet.
“Save your money, I got this.”
The inside of the room was drab, the gray walls in need of painting, and the threadbare carpet vacuuming. The bedspreads on the two small beds were mismatched.
“I’m tired, I’m going to take a quick shower and get some shut eye.” Keith was already heading to the restroom as he spoke.
Robbie lay on the bed and heard the shower water running, and then harsh coughing and retching. It went on for a long time, and the toilet flushed twice. When Keith came out, Robbie saw red splotches on Keith’s white tee shirt, and a crimson splotch on his chin.
Neither said anything. After turning off the overhead light, Keith climbed into his bed. Soon both were asleep.
The sun had yet to rise and the light in the room was dim when Robbie awoke. Keith’s bed had been made, and Clapton was no longer sleeping on the floor.
Robbie’s first thought, they’re already gone. As he stepped out of the restroom, The front door opened. Keith stood smiling, holding a McDonald’s paper bag.
“Care for some breakfast? Finest dining found in Franklinville.”
Both sat on their beds eating and feeding small bites to Clapton.
“I thought you’d gone.”
“No. I wouldn’t leave without saying goodbye. Sorry about last night. I’m a bit under the weather.”
Robbie said nothing but noticed that the dried blood on Keith’s chin was gone.
“What’s the plan? You gonna hang out here for a while, or keep us company for a few more miles?”
“If you don’t mind, I think I’ll keep riding with you. Where are you heading?”
“I’ve got a little cabin about a half day’s drive from here in the Beartooth Mountains near Red Lodge. I’m planning on spending a couple weeks there. It’s a little north of nowhere, but I like it. Theres a few things to think through, and it’s quiet, making it easier to clear my mind. You’re welcome to join me.”
“If you don’t think I’d be intruding, I’ll ride a little further.”
“Like I said, you’re welcome to join me.”
They’d driven an hour or so on the road when Robbie broke the silence.
“Were your parents nice? Did they try and control everything?”
“Well, they wanted the best for me, but most of the time we discussed important matters. My mom and dad laid out the pros and cons of different choices, but most of the time it ended up that the decision was mine to make.”
“It sounds like they’re cool.”
“We had issues through the years, but I’d say I was luckier than many kids. They weren’t excited about all the choices I made, but in the end, they always wanted me to succeed, and to be happy.”
Robbie sat quietly for a while, as the scenery began to change from hills to mountains.
“My mom and dad are very strict about their religion. They expect me to be faithful to everything they believe and to do nothing that would embarrass them.”
“I’d guess being gay would be high on the list of sins.”
Robbie’s response was muted. “Yeah.”
“So, what do you think?”
“What do you mean?”
“If you are gay, do you think that should bother them?”
“I don’t know, I’m confused. I like girls, but sometimes I’m also drawn to guys. I’m not sure how to explain it. My parents get crazy when I’ve tried to discuss it.”
“So, you’re able to talk about it at some level?”
“With my parents, especially my dad, all discussions have always been he talks and I listen.”
“So, what’s your plan?
“I’m not sure I’m grown up enough to decide by myself, but I hate that my parents think unless I’m just like them, I’m going to hell. They said a while back they didn’t want me to go to church with them until I changed. It embarrasses them to be seen with me there. Made it sound like people could see if I was gay.”
“That’s rough. Want my two cents worth of advice?”
“I guess.”
“You said you’ll soon be eighteen. Age is just one measure of maturity, it has nothing to do with a person’s ability to make decisions, or to be able to understand life. But I believe in the end, you must decide who you are and how you will live. If you don’t, you’re likely to resent your parents even more, and yourself also.”
“Yeah, I think you’re right.”
“We’re almost to the cabin.”
Keith turned the 4Runner off the paved road and onto a narrow dirt path with pine trees lining both sides. After a few minutes they came to a gravel parking area in front of a small log cabin. “Here we are, home sweet home.”
“Is this where you live?”
“As often as I can. I make it up here four or five times a year.”
Keith unlocked the front door, and he and Robbie brought in the few possessions they had. Clapton ran around the yard, barking with excitement.
“I think he likes it here.”
Keith nodded. “It’s pretty much the happy place for both of us. It smells a little musty, look around a bit and I’ll open a couple windows to air it out. Later I need to run into town and get a few groceries. You’re welcome to stay or to tag along, but there’s not much to see in town.”
He opened the ice chest in the back of the SUV and took out a bottle of beer. “Robbie, care to have one?”
“Huh, no thanks, I’ve never had alcohol.”
Keith sat in an old rocker on the small cabin porch, drank his beer and rubbed Clapton’s ears. After a few minutes he announced, “I think I’m going to change into my boots and take a walk in the woods, join me if you want to.”
Soon after Keith closed the door to the bedroom, he again started coughing. It wasn’t as loud and strenuous as before, and it didn’t last as long, but it scared the boy.
When Keith came out, Robbie asked. “Are you ok, I heard you coughing last night and again now.”
“Yeah, I’m ok, probably just a cold.” Keith’s voice was softer, wheezing as he spoke.
“It’s sounded pretty bad.”
“Just a cold.”
It was quiet on the trail, with an occasional twitter of a bird, or a squirrel scampering across a branch. Both said little as they walked.
“It’s cool here, I see why you like it.”
“I’ve owned it about four years, the wife got the house, and I got the cabin in the divorce settlement.
“You have kids?”
“No. Alice had her career, I had mine. It was best that we’d never had any.”
“Do you miss being married?”
“Sometimes.”
Sensing he might be raising a tender topic for Keith, Robbie changed the subject.
“My grandpa died about six months ago. I miss him. He was fun; we used to watch old western movies and talk.”
“What did you like most about him?”
“He was funny in an old man kinda way. He told me grandpa jokes, and we had good talks.”
“What’d you talk about?”
“We talked about everything; he was smart and kind. I told him I might be gay. He was so cool about it. He told me he loved me no matter who I was.” Robbie paused for a moment and kicked a small rock off the trail. “Before he died, he opened a bank account for me, called it my ‘just in case money.’ He told me not to tell my mom and dad about it.”
“Sounds like a good grandpa.”
“Yeah.”
“What do you think he might have told you about your questioning?”
“Questioning? What do you mean?”
“About being gay or not.”
Robbie stopped again, this time to watch a Blue Jay in a tree branch.
“He would have told me to be who I am, no matter what. And not to worry about it or feel guilty.”
“From what you’ve told me about him, I think you’re right. Sounds like he was wise.”
“Yeah.”
“And?”
“What?”
“You told me he didn’t judge. Maybe without ever saying it directly to you, maybe he knew you were struggling. And maybe that’s the advice you should listen to.”
“Maybe.”
When they got back to the cabin, both were fatigued and Keith suggested they have some cheese and crackers he’d brought on the trip and go grocery shopping in the morning. Robbie agreed.
Keith drank another beer, Robbie took a shower, and they ate their meager meal. Both went to bed early. Robbie was comfortable sleeping on the old couch and woke up the next morning with the sun streaming through the living room window.
When he awoke, Robbie remembered that sometime during the night he’d been awakened by Keith’s coming out of the bedroom. Keith had gone into the bathroom, and the sound of coughing, and gagging could soon be heard. He flushed the toilet and was breathing heavily as he went back into his room. The boy knew the cough was more than a cold.
Later in the morning, while sitting on the porch, rubbing Clapton’s neck and ears, Robbie heard Keith’s cell phone chime. He heard Keith’s half of the conversation.
“Yes, this is Keith Taylor.”
“My birthdate is six, nine, eighty-one.”
“Yes, I know I missed my appointment. I’m sorry, I couldn’t make it.”
“I’m aware the treatments are very important. I should have cancelled it.”
“Please tell Doctor Lewis I’ve decided to stop all treatment.”
“Yes, that’s what I said.”"
“I’m certain.”
“If Doctor Lewis has any questions, he can call me next week and talk with me.”
“Thank you. You, also.”
After the phone call, Robbie went back inside, and saw Keith sitting at the small dining table, his phone still in his hand. He looked up at Robbie standing near the door.
“Sorry. I didn’t see you.”
“It’s not just a cold, is it?”
“You heard that conversation?”
“Just your part of it.”
Keith laid down his phone, took a drink of water.
“I have lung cancer.”
“Is it bad?”
“It’s bad. Stage three.”
“I don’t know what that means.”
“It means it’s pretty far advanced.”
“Why are you stopping your treatment?”
“Because they can’t cure me. They can only prolong the time before I die. And on the chemo and radiation, I’ll just keep getting sicker until I can’t do anything. I don’t want that.”
“They have to have a way…”
“No. They don’t.”
“You’re still young.”
“Forty-three.”
“See, you are young.”
Keith smiled. “That’s why they say that cancers an equal opportunity destroyer. It doesn’t care about my age.”
“So, what are you gonna do. You can’t just die.”
“I don’t have much choice in that. So, I’m going to live while I can.”
“I’m sorry. That really sucks. I’m really sorry.”
After a short time, Keith came out of the cabin, wearing his jacket and a wool watch cap. “You still want to go into town with me to get some groceries?”
“Sure.”
Neither Keith nor Robbie said anything during the short ride into town. After pulling into the store parking lot and shutting off the engine, both hesitated to get out.
“Look Robbie, maybe you don’t understand, and I want to try and explain what’s going on. Can we get what we came for, and when we get back to the cabin, we will talk. Does that work?”
“I guess so.”
The ride back home was solemn, with Robbie staring out the window, and an occasional cough from Keith.
After arriving at the cabin, Keith took a beer out of the fridge.
“Want one?”
Again, Robbie declined.
“Come here, have a seat.” Keith patted the space next to him on the couch.
Robbie walked slowly to the spot, sat, and stared at the floor.
“Let me try and tell you what’s going on. The cancer was far along when first diagnosed. My doctors recommended chemotherapy and radiation therapy. After they explained to me how it worked, they told me the odds of my cure were not good. They said the treatments might buy some months of life, maybe even a year. They were open in telling me the treatments would make my life miserable. I later came to know that word was not accurate, the treatments became worse than anything I’d ever endured. To be blunt, it was torture. I endured it, and finished the first course of treatment, but I had no desire to do more.”
“But…”
“I know. My chances of beating this are zero without the treatments.”
“Doesn’t it scare you, I mean, to think about dying?”
Keith stared out the window and finished the beer.
“At first it did. I was scared. I didn’t then and I still don’t want to die. But Robbie, no matter what I do, it’s going to happen.”
Long shadows began to fill the room as the sun fell in the sky.
“I thought I had it bad. It’s nothing compared to what’s happening to you.”
Keith smiled. “Maybe in all this craziness, who knows, maybe we met for some reason so something good could happen. I’m not sure what that is, but who knows.”
Robbie tried to stop a tear from coming into his eye. “So, what are you going to do?”
“Well, I’m going to stay here as long as I can. When it’s time, I’ll head back to the city and wait it out there.”
“Is there somebody there, your friends? What about your wife, does she know?”
“My ex-wife. No, she doesn’t know, she has her own life to live.”
“But at one time you two loved each other.”
“Yeah, we did.”
“I know I’m still young, but I think you need to tell her. I think she needs to know.”
“Maybe you’re right.”
After a dinner of pancakes and bacon, Robbie helped Keith wash and dry the few dishes they’d used. They wished each other good night and went to bed. Robbie tossed and turned in fitful sleep, waking often, thinking about what was happening. It was nearly nine in the morning when he awoke. The door to the bedroom was shut, but Robbie could hear Keith talking on his cell phone.
“Alice, I know it’s been a while, but I need to talk with you and tell you something.”
“I’m sick.” He paused before continuing. “I have advanced lung cancer.”
“Yes, the doctors are sure.”
“I’m at the cabin right now. I don’t know, maybe in a week or so.”
“No. There’s nothing you can do.”
“I’ve decided to not have any more treatment.”
“No, I’ve made up my mind. I just want to live out whatever time I have on my own terms.”
“Ok. Thanks. I’ll call you when I get back home. I miss you.”
When Keith came out of the room, Robbie stood in the kitchen area making coffee.
“I hope I didn’t wake you.”
“No, you didn’t, I’ve been awake a while, and thought I’d surprise you and make the coffee.”
“Thanks, sounds good. I was on the phone.”
“I heard you talking.”
“Called Alice. I decided you were right, thought maybe she deserved to know what’s going on.”
Robbie didn’t respond.
“Not that I’m trying to run you off, but have you given any thought about what you’re going to do?”
“I have. But I need to ask you something.”
“What’s that?”
“Maybe I could stay and help you. You know if you need it, like when things get…”
“That’s very generous of you, but you need to get on with your life. You don’t need to be hanging around playing nursemaid to me.”
“But you’re going to need some help, aren’t you?”
“At some point I am. But when that time comes, I can hire someone, or I might be in hospice, they will assist me.”
“I’d help you.”
“Besides thinking about me, you said you’d been pondering something else. What was that?”
“I think I should go back home and try to talk with my parents.”
“And what happens if they still don’t want to listen?”
“I’ve thought about that too. My grandpa left me enough money in my secret account so I can do ok by myself for a while. Maybe I can start taking some college classes and even see a counselor. To get some help and try and figure out some things.”
“Robbie, that sounds like a good plan to me.”
“But, what about you?”
“I’m going to be ok.”
“What are you going to do?”
“Hang out here with Clapton another week, then maybe head back home. I’m going to talk with my doctor. If I need palliative care, I’ll get it and just see how things go.”
“Ok.”
“How about this, you stay here another day, then I can take you to Clarkston. We can check, but I think the bus stops there, and you can head back home.”
Robbie didn’t immediately respond.
“I don’t want to leave, but ok.”
“Then it’s a plan.”
A day later Keith, Robbie and Clapton drove to Clarkston.
Robbie bought his ticket, they exchanged contact information, and the three sat waiting for the bus.
“Are you sure I can’t stay?”
“I’m sure.”
When the time came for Robbie to board the bus, he hesitated.
“Can I give you a hug?”
Keith smiled, “Sure.”
“I wish you were my dad.”
Keith started to laugh but didn’t. “No, you don’t.”
They said goodbyes, hugged, and Robbie stepped on the bus and took one of the front seats.
Before the driver closed the door, Keith called out, “Robbie, you’re going to be ok. Take care of yourself. Stay in touch.”
“I will. You, too.”
Robbie started to rise to get off the bus but saw that Keith and Clapton were already walking towards the SUV. He sat back down.
~ ~ ~
July 2026
David R. Davis
Outside the café, a dim light flickered a few feet from where the boy was standing. The sun had gone down, and he’d been there for a little more than an hour trying to catch a ride. He pulled his navy-blue puffer jacket closer and zipped it. Leaning back, he put the flat of his right boot against the wall, trying to look cool like James Dean in one of the movies he’d watched with his grandfather.
Inside Ruth’s Diner, Keith Taylor finished his hamburger, took a last sip of coffee, and set his mind to the two hundred miles he wanted to drive before getting some rest. As he stepped out the front door, the boy called out to him.
“Excuse me sir, do you think I might catch a ride with you?”
Keith looked at the boy, hesitated and then asked, “Where you heading?”
“I don’t know. It’s cold, and I’ve asked several people, they just ignored me. I won’t ask anything else; I promise, I just need a ride.”
“You going any place in particular?”
“No sir, I just need a ride. Please.”
The man looked at the youth, sizing him up. He seemed polite, wearing jeans, hiking boots and a faded Yankees baseball cap.
“I’m traveling about four hundred miles Northeast of here and hope to make a couple hundred of that before stopping for the night. If you want to tag along for a while, your welcome to join me.”
“Thank you, sir.”
“I’m Keith, and if we’re going to be traveling together, it might be better if that’s what you call me.”
“My names Robert, but I like to be called Robbie.”
They shook hands and walked towards a red Toyota 4Runner. Robbie carried his backpack.
“Toss your stuff in the back. I forgot to mention we have another passenger going with us.” Keith pointed towards the back window of the SUV and Robbie saw the head of a large German Shepard.
“That’s Clapton, he doesn’t care what you call him as long as you’re willing to scratch his ears and give him an occasional treat.”
Keith opened the back door and the dog jumped out, letting go with a stream of pee on the parking lot.
“Clapton, say hello to Robbie, he’s going to ride with us for a while.”
The ninety-five-pound dog ambled towards the boy, sat and raised his right paw.
The young man took the paw and shook it.
“Alright buddy, time to go, back in the truck.” The dog jumped into the back seat and lay down.
The first miles were driven in silence with few other cars going either direction on the road. Robbie looked out the side window, watching the night scenery pass as they drove.
“I think I might be gay.”
For a couple of moments, they drove on, Keith not responding.
“I said I might be gay.” Robbie repeated.
Keith glanced over at the boy. “Congratulations.”
“I just thought maybe you should know. In case it’s an issue with you.”
“Don’t matter to me. Hey Clapton, does it matter to you if Robbie’s gay?”
The dog didn’t move.
“I guess he’s cool with it.”
“My dad hates it.”
“Is that why you’re running away?”
“I’m not really running away; I’m just trying to find out who I am.”
“How old are you?”
“Seventeen, I’ll be eighteen in three months.”
The three continued to drive down the dark highway, with little more discussion.
“I’ve been on the road a while and getting tired. We have a couple of choices. We can find a place a little further up the road and try to get some rest in the truck, or we can go another twenty-five miles, stop in Franklinville and spend the night in a motel I know.”
“You’re driving, what do you want to do?”
“A bed and soft pillow sound a lot more comfortable than this car seat.”
“I can help pay for a room, or we could get two, if what I said earlier makes you uncomfortable.”
Keith chuckled. “I survived four years of Catholic schools, a stint in the Army Reserves, and a college roommate who had the rottenest smelling feet of anyone who’s ever lived. I suspect I’m safe with you.”
For the first time since they met, Robbie smiled. “I guess so.”
The Sunset Motel is a shadow of what it was when it was built in 1957. Typical of the period, it has a line of eight connected rooms and a small office on one end. One old pickup sat in front of room number 2.
“Welcome back Mr. Taylor, good to see you again. Looks like you brought along someone other than your dog this time.”
“Yeah, this is Robbie, he’s hitching a ride with us. Clapton’s still in the SUV.”
The well-lit office allowed Robbie to see how gaunt and pale Keith looked.
“We’ll take a room with two beds if you have one. Just one night.”
The clerk smiled. “Judging by the number of cars in the parking lot, I bet I might be able to squeeze you in. Room number six.”
“Keith, I can pay half.” Robbie started pulling out his wallet.
“Save your money, I got this.”
The inside of the room was drab, the gray walls in need of painting, and the threadbare carpet vacuuming. The bedspreads on the two small beds were mismatched.
“I’m tired, I’m going to take a quick shower and get some shut eye.” Keith was already heading to the restroom as he spoke.
Robbie lay on the bed and heard the shower water running, and then harsh coughing and retching. It went on for a long time, and the toilet flushed twice. When Keith came out, Robbie saw red splotches on Keith’s white tee shirt, and a crimson splotch on his chin.
Neither said anything. After turning off the overhead light, Keith climbed into his bed. Soon both were asleep.
The sun had yet to rise and the light in the room was dim when Robbie awoke. Keith’s bed had been made, and Clapton was no longer sleeping on the floor.
Robbie’s first thought, they’re already gone. As he stepped out of the restroom, The front door opened. Keith stood smiling, holding a McDonald’s paper bag.
“Care for some breakfast? Finest dining found in Franklinville.”
Both sat on their beds eating and feeding small bites to Clapton.
“I thought you’d gone.”
“No. I wouldn’t leave without saying goodbye. Sorry about last night. I’m a bit under the weather.”
Robbie said nothing but noticed that the dried blood on Keith’s chin was gone.
“What’s the plan? You gonna hang out here for a while, or keep us company for a few more miles?”
“If you don’t mind, I think I’ll keep riding with you. Where are you heading?”
“I’ve got a little cabin about a half day’s drive from here in the Beartooth Mountains near Red Lodge. I’m planning on spending a couple weeks there. It’s a little north of nowhere, but I like it. Theres a few things to think through, and it’s quiet, making it easier to clear my mind. You’re welcome to join me.”
“If you don’t think I’d be intruding, I’ll ride a little further.”
“Like I said, you’re welcome to join me.”
They’d driven an hour or so on the road when Robbie broke the silence.
“Were your parents nice? Did they try and control everything?”
“Well, they wanted the best for me, but most of the time we discussed important matters. My mom and dad laid out the pros and cons of different choices, but most of the time it ended up that the decision was mine to make.”
“It sounds like they’re cool.”
“We had issues through the years, but I’d say I was luckier than many kids. They weren’t excited about all the choices I made, but in the end, they always wanted me to succeed, and to be happy.”
Robbie sat quietly for a while, as the scenery began to change from hills to mountains.
“My mom and dad are very strict about their religion. They expect me to be faithful to everything they believe and to do nothing that would embarrass them.”
“I’d guess being gay would be high on the list of sins.”
Robbie’s response was muted. “Yeah.”
“So, what do you think?”
“What do you mean?”
“If you are gay, do you think that should bother them?”
“I don’t know, I’m confused. I like girls, but sometimes I’m also drawn to guys. I’m not sure how to explain it. My parents get crazy when I’ve tried to discuss it.”
“So, you’re able to talk about it at some level?”
“With my parents, especially my dad, all discussions have always been he talks and I listen.”
“So, what’s your plan?
“I’m not sure I’m grown up enough to decide by myself, but I hate that my parents think unless I’m just like them, I’m going to hell. They said a while back they didn’t want me to go to church with them until I changed. It embarrasses them to be seen with me there. Made it sound like people could see if I was gay.”
“That’s rough. Want my two cents worth of advice?”
“I guess.”
“You said you’ll soon be eighteen. Age is just one measure of maturity, it has nothing to do with a person’s ability to make decisions, or to be able to understand life. But I believe in the end, you must decide who you are and how you will live. If you don’t, you’re likely to resent your parents even more, and yourself also.”
“Yeah, I think you’re right.”
“We’re almost to the cabin.”
Keith turned the 4Runner off the paved road and onto a narrow dirt path with pine trees lining both sides. After a few minutes they came to a gravel parking area in front of a small log cabin. “Here we are, home sweet home.”
“Is this where you live?”
“As often as I can. I make it up here four or five times a year.”
Keith unlocked the front door, and he and Robbie brought in the few possessions they had. Clapton ran around the yard, barking with excitement.
“I think he likes it here.”
Keith nodded. “It’s pretty much the happy place for both of us. It smells a little musty, look around a bit and I’ll open a couple windows to air it out. Later I need to run into town and get a few groceries. You’re welcome to stay or to tag along, but there’s not much to see in town.”
He opened the ice chest in the back of the SUV and took out a bottle of beer. “Robbie, care to have one?”
“Huh, no thanks, I’ve never had alcohol.”
Keith sat in an old rocker on the small cabin porch, drank his beer and rubbed Clapton’s ears. After a few minutes he announced, “I think I’m going to change into my boots and take a walk in the woods, join me if you want to.”
Soon after Keith closed the door to the bedroom, he again started coughing. It wasn’t as loud and strenuous as before, and it didn’t last as long, but it scared the boy.
When Keith came out, Robbie asked. “Are you ok, I heard you coughing last night and again now.”
“Yeah, I’m ok, probably just a cold.” Keith’s voice was softer, wheezing as he spoke.
“It’s sounded pretty bad.”
“Just a cold.”
It was quiet on the trail, with an occasional twitter of a bird, or a squirrel scampering across a branch. Both said little as they walked.
“It’s cool here, I see why you like it.”
“I’ve owned it about four years, the wife got the house, and I got the cabin in the divorce settlement.
“You have kids?”
“No. Alice had her career, I had mine. It was best that we’d never had any.”
“Do you miss being married?”
“Sometimes.”
Sensing he might be raising a tender topic for Keith, Robbie changed the subject.
“My grandpa died about six months ago. I miss him. He was fun; we used to watch old western movies and talk.”
“What did you like most about him?”
“He was funny in an old man kinda way. He told me grandpa jokes, and we had good talks.”
“What’d you talk about?”
“We talked about everything; he was smart and kind. I told him I might be gay. He was so cool about it. He told me he loved me no matter who I was.” Robbie paused for a moment and kicked a small rock off the trail. “Before he died, he opened a bank account for me, called it my ‘just in case money.’ He told me not to tell my mom and dad about it.”
“Sounds like a good grandpa.”
“Yeah.”
“What do you think he might have told you about your questioning?”
“Questioning? What do you mean?”
“About being gay or not.”
Robbie stopped again, this time to watch a Blue Jay in a tree branch.
“He would have told me to be who I am, no matter what. And not to worry about it or feel guilty.”
“From what you’ve told me about him, I think you’re right. Sounds like he was wise.”
“Yeah.”
“And?”
“What?”
“You told me he didn’t judge. Maybe without ever saying it directly to you, maybe he knew you were struggling. And maybe that’s the advice you should listen to.”
“Maybe.”
When they got back to the cabin, both were fatigued and Keith suggested they have some cheese and crackers he’d brought on the trip and go grocery shopping in the morning. Robbie agreed.
Keith drank another beer, Robbie took a shower, and they ate their meager meal. Both went to bed early. Robbie was comfortable sleeping on the old couch and woke up the next morning with the sun streaming through the living room window.
When he awoke, Robbie remembered that sometime during the night he’d been awakened by Keith’s coming out of the bedroom. Keith had gone into the bathroom, and the sound of coughing, and gagging could soon be heard. He flushed the toilet and was breathing heavily as he went back into his room. The boy knew the cough was more than a cold.
Later in the morning, while sitting on the porch, rubbing Clapton’s neck and ears, Robbie heard Keith’s cell phone chime. He heard Keith’s half of the conversation.
“Yes, this is Keith Taylor.”
“My birthdate is six, nine, eighty-one.”
“Yes, I know I missed my appointment. I’m sorry, I couldn’t make it.”
“I’m aware the treatments are very important. I should have cancelled it.”
“Please tell Doctor Lewis I’ve decided to stop all treatment.”
“Yes, that’s what I said.”"
“I’m certain.”
“If Doctor Lewis has any questions, he can call me next week and talk with me.”
“Thank you. You, also.”
After the phone call, Robbie went back inside, and saw Keith sitting at the small dining table, his phone still in his hand. He looked up at Robbie standing near the door.
“Sorry. I didn’t see you.”
“It’s not just a cold, is it?”
“You heard that conversation?”
“Just your part of it.”
Keith laid down his phone, took a drink of water.
“I have lung cancer.”
“Is it bad?”
“It’s bad. Stage three.”
“I don’t know what that means.”
“It means it’s pretty far advanced.”
“Why are you stopping your treatment?”
“Because they can’t cure me. They can only prolong the time before I die. And on the chemo and radiation, I’ll just keep getting sicker until I can’t do anything. I don’t want that.”
“They have to have a way…”
“No. They don’t.”
“You’re still young.”
“Forty-three.”
“See, you are young.”
Keith smiled. “That’s why they say that cancers an equal opportunity destroyer. It doesn’t care about my age.”
“So, what are you gonna do. You can’t just die.”
“I don’t have much choice in that. So, I’m going to live while I can.”
“I’m sorry. That really sucks. I’m really sorry.”
After a short time, Keith came out of the cabin, wearing his jacket and a wool watch cap. “You still want to go into town with me to get some groceries?”
“Sure.”
Neither Keith nor Robbie said anything during the short ride into town. After pulling into the store parking lot and shutting off the engine, both hesitated to get out.
“Look Robbie, maybe you don’t understand, and I want to try and explain what’s going on. Can we get what we came for, and when we get back to the cabin, we will talk. Does that work?”
“I guess so.”
The ride back home was solemn, with Robbie staring out the window, and an occasional cough from Keith.
After arriving at the cabin, Keith took a beer out of the fridge.
“Want one?”
Again, Robbie declined.
“Come here, have a seat.” Keith patted the space next to him on the couch.
Robbie walked slowly to the spot, sat, and stared at the floor.
“Let me try and tell you what’s going on. The cancer was far along when first diagnosed. My doctors recommended chemotherapy and radiation therapy. After they explained to me how it worked, they told me the odds of my cure were not good. They said the treatments might buy some months of life, maybe even a year. They were open in telling me the treatments would make my life miserable. I later came to know that word was not accurate, the treatments became worse than anything I’d ever endured. To be blunt, it was torture. I endured it, and finished the first course of treatment, but I had no desire to do more.”
“But…”
“I know. My chances of beating this are zero without the treatments.”
“Doesn’t it scare you, I mean, to think about dying?”
Keith stared out the window and finished the beer.
“At first it did. I was scared. I didn’t then and I still don’t want to die. But Robbie, no matter what I do, it’s going to happen.”
Long shadows began to fill the room as the sun fell in the sky.
“I thought I had it bad. It’s nothing compared to what’s happening to you.”
Keith smiled. “Maybe in all this craziness, who knows, maybe we met for some reason so something good could happen. I’m not sure what that is, but who knows.”
Robbie tried to stop a tear from coming into his eye. “So, what are you going to do?”
“Well, I’m going to stay here as long as I can. When it’s time, I’ll head back to the city and wait it out there.”
“Is there somebody there, your friends? What about your wife, does she know?”
“My ex-wife. No, she doesn’t know, she has her own life to live.”
“But at one time you two loved each other.”
“Yeah, we did.”
“I know I’m still young, but I think you need to tell her. I think she needs to know.”
“Maybe you’re right.”
After a dinner of pancakes and bacon, Robbie helped Keith wash and dry the few dishes they’d used. They wished each other good night and went to bed. Robbie tossed and turned in fitful sleep, waking often, thinking about what was happening. It was nearly nine in the morning when he awoke. The door to the bedroom was shut, but Robbie could hear Keith talking on his cell phone.
“Alice, I know it’s been a while, but I need to talk with you and tell you something.”
“I’m sick.” He paused before continuing. “I have advanced lung cancer.”
“Yes, the doctors are sure.”
“I’m at the cabin right now. I don’t know, maybe in a week or so.”
“No. There’s nothing you can do.”
“I’ve decided to not have any more treatment.”
“No, I’ve made up my mind. I just want to live out whatever time I have on my own terms.”
“Ok. Thanks. I’ll call you when I get back home. I miss you.”
When Keith came out of the room, Robbie stood in the kitchen area making coffee.
“I hope I didn’t wake you.”
“No, you didn’t, I’ve been awake a while, and thought I’d surprise you and make the coffee.”
“Thanks, sounds good. I was on the phone.”
“I heard you talking.”
“Called Alice. I decided you were right, thought maybe she deserved to know what’s going on.”
Robbie didn’t respond.
“Not that I’m trying to run you off, but have you given any thought about what you’re going to do?”
“I have. But I need to ask you something.”
“What’s that?”
“Maybe I could stay and help you. You know if you need it, like when things get…”
“That’s very generous of you, but you need to get on with your life. You don’t need to be hanging around playing nursemaid to me.”
“But you’re going to need some help, aren’t you?”
“At some point I am. But when that time comes, I can hire someone, or I might be in hospice, they will assist me.”
“I’d help you.”
“Besides thinking about me, you said you’d been pondering something else. What was that?”
“I think I should go back home and try to talk with my parents.”
“And what happens if they still don’t want to listen?”
“I’ve thought about that too. My grandpa left me enough money in my secret account so I can do ok by myself for a while. Maybe I can start taking some college classes and even see a counselor. To get some help and try and figure out some things.”
“Robbie, that sounds like a good plan to me.”
“But, what about you?”
“I’m going to be ok.”
“What are you going to do?”
“Hang out here with Clapton another week, then maybe head back home. I’m going to talk with my doctor. If I need palliative care, I’ll get it and just see how things go.”
“Ok.”
“How about this, you stay here another day, then I can take you to Clarkston. We can check, but I think the bus stops there, and you can head back home.”
Robbie didn’t immediately respond.
“I don’t want to leave, but ok.”
“Then it’s a plan.”
A day later Keith, Robbie and Clapton drove to Clarkston.
Robbie bought his ticket, they exchanged contact information, and the three sat waiting for the bus.
“Are you sure I can’t stay?”
“I’m sure.”
When the time came for Robbie to board the bus, he hesitated.
“Can I give you a hug?”
Keith smiled, “Sure.”
“I wish you were my dad.”
Keith started to laugh but didn’t. “No, you don’t.”
They said goodbyes, hugged, and Robbie stepped on the bus and took one of the front seats.
Before the driver closed the door, Keith called out, “Robbie, you’re going to be ok. Take care of yourself. Stay in touch.”
“I will. You, too.”
Robbie started to rise to get off the bus but saw that Keith and Clapton were already walking towards the SUV. He sat back down.
~ ~ ~
July 2026
